Queenie Warning Again... one fears this is an adult only blog, so do read with wary eyes...

 

Hello All,

 

One must apologise for my absence, but this may occur quite frequently, probably as frequently as i fuck Queenie, but thats not important right now, although to be fair that is the reason i have been away, it seems i had taken too much Viagra as prescribed to me by some internet site or other, and well, it kept me up since one last blogged... and it was important that i went down to leave the palace, so it would go down for long enough for one to open some shitty community centre somewhere. Sadly though, in one community centre, i still felt the full effects, and one had to make a rather rushed trip to the toilet. Oh it was horrible, common peoples toilets are disgusting, they use white toilet roll for fucks sake... i just can't wipe my arse with something other than gold leaf, or my cheeks go red in a rash!...

 

Now what the fuck have i been doing since we last met... well, one has met a man who i saved many years ago in the war... you know a bit of media attention, thats good for once and didn't involve me asking if they still use spears in Birmingham, or whatever common city he was from. The bullring... sounds like ones old house, before one met Queenie, one was the bull of ones little village back on planet Nazie (and then  later Greece) and... well you know what a Bull does in a field full of moody cows... well one was the one who made those bloody moody cows happy... and some of them were bloody moody... perhaps its because they were bloody that made them moody... who knows.... its not a problem with Queenie anymore, well unless one goes too far in, and then we have red sheets for the night.

 

My family, the top of Britain, but bird flu looks to topple us, so karishma told ones wife about a fear that bird flu may kill the ravens that guard the tower... if they were to die, the crown wouldn't survive... and thats all we need, a prophecy coming true. One doesn't normally believe in this kind of Bull, but this talk of Bullring has got me believing the story. The Ravens have since been moved indoors, thankfully, so we should survive now. Thank goodness, me and Queenie can pretend to be birds next week. To be honest though, i fear bird flu will come quickly to attack us, i would hate to see all the common women get ill, they're called birds aren't they in fucking slang English. Or Chavs as ones wife has started calling them, perhaps it would be OK if the chavs contracted bird flu, i'm sure that would please the population.

 

Pleasing the population is what we're all about after all, give a little head, take a little head... at your local public toilet, without golden toilet paper... although ones sure you can get a golden shower. One does love a golden shower, although you need to have drank enough water for you to get the full effects, it just looks so wonderful in our garden... next to the greenhouse. Yes Greenhouse, that reminds me, i must start work on my latest invention, one has turned the greenhouse into a science lab and one is developing LCD... or words to that effect, i belive its something that dougal in the magic round about eats... i just want to have the same feelings as dougal...

 

A hairy dog, i wonder how that feels. I could tell you what a horse feels like, but not a hairy dog, but i shall find out soon.

 

Fucking Charles has been naughty, i told Queenie that he should be given a good spanking, but i belive she used up all her spank on Tuesday, just like one used up all ones spunk. She does have a good spanking arm, my dear wife does, i mean after the accident in... wherever it was... to make her wave strangely, shes really regained her strength, and it bloody hurts i tell you, Queenie has a fucking good arm now.

 

Not much else has happened in this last month to do with us, actually, its been rather a good month, i must go and ask the dutch if they still make cartoons, or perhaps ask french for some frogs legs... make some news for the sun anyway. Or perhaps we could pose for page 3, yes that would be a lot of fun, i'm sure plenty of people want to see my fucking huge cock, sadly, some much red stuff has been split on it, that it looks rather a lot like a tomato plant at the moment...

 

Ones hoping one gets some soap from that darn whale that came to the themes... yes thats right whatever enters London becomes our property... but it doesn't half make bloody good soap!...

 

 

look there it is... a whale in some soap... just what one wanted... rather childish, but one is really a child at heart. One is like peter pan... or Michael Jackson at the least, although one does prefer women who are past 60... one just can't get enough of loose things...

 

One loves ones life

 

One shall return to you, well whenever the fuck one wants to return to you, and when that time comes one hopes you'll be ready... i do shoot very far... Queenie would tell you!...

 

For the time being keep watching queenies space, as she does update rather a lot more than oneself.

 

Toodle Oo!

 

A film i once saw in Germany, on one of my many visits throughout the 1930's, clearly the best time to be German. I believe there was another Titty in front of it, yes there was certainly a lot more titty's. It taught me all one knows, and its something about a flying car, i think, one can't remember it all it was so long ago, all i know is that one has to say that every Tuesday, just to make sure queenies are there... so its Titty Titty then Bang Bang... Although theres usually a lot more banging than titty's.

 

In fact this is now a television show, on the notorious BBC Three, where some larger ladies, with incredibly bad teeth (I'm sure i could sort out those teeth with my gondola)  sing 'dontcha.' I don't think anyone could beat those Pussy, oh i can't remember the rest of their name, i do like a bit of pussy though. Dolls, thats it, Pussy Dolls, they make good ones in Amsterdam.

 

There isn't much fucking royal news at the moment, which is probably a good thing, its only likely to be another story about one taking drugs, or horrible lies like that.

 

The program Rolf gave on Sunday, just showed a lot about rolf as a person. Clearly obsessed with her hands, which does begin to worry me actually. Only one is meant to be in contact with her hands, and simply because of what she does with them, is why she must wear gloves in public. Apparently i am radioactive, and therefore a danger to society, although ASBO, I'm told doesn't stand for 'Andrew Said Big Orange'... which is what they told me when they gave it to me, either way i cannot stay with ones friends behind the gate at the end of the garden, at least after hours.

 

Charlie Kennedy had a drink problem it seems, now it makes sense why our whiskey Tupperware jug was empty after he came round. Strangely, it was non-alcoholic on that day, at our time of life we're told to have as least alcohol as possible... although some nights i could really do with those beer goggles before one enters the bed. Even without alcohol, charles was stumbling about all over the place, and not at all sure what his policies were, and didn't know whether he was supporting the war in Iraq or not... perhaps he is permernantly drunk.

 

What else have we learned this week... well not very much it seems, one forgets most of it anyway, even with my many brains... in places where some men think they have brains... but only i do.

 

The continuing to be notorious BBC Three tonight shows a program on circumcision, ah, they tried to do that to ones little friend once and he wasn't too happy about it. Then they tried on ones gondola, but you see, it didn't work, and somehow it was made even bigger, Queenie didn't seem too pleased something about 'well you can't get it in properly at the moment.' Just her general nagging, but she does have the highest authority in the country, so one has to respect her choices... you can make tunnels bigger if you try.

 

A rather short blog today, but do doubt the wife will do a big one soon, like i say she needs to expand her tunnel somehow...

 

Toodle pip

One has been fucking summoned to write again, as Kyle, has discovered something in Bolton quite shocking. It seems one isn't the only gondola in the UK anymore, and little woods has decided it wants to try and compete with me by selling them for £100. This is just street prostitution, i mean only i am meant to be the gondola... here is the evidence from Kyle...

However its obvious what is the problem to me, you see, the most important thing to a man is his cock size, now one doesn't have a problem with this, and nor does Queenie. But you see, little woods does, the name just gives it away, whereas my nickname is the 'fuckmeister,' little woods, well i believe is 'little cock.' Little Hard Cock if its woods. So they are trying to compensate for their name by selling these gondola's and at such cheap prices. Cheap Whores. I used to charge at least 1 million pounds when i was in the business, how on earth do you think one met Queenie, well other than me coming down in my space ship, but you see what she didn't say was that she called me, i believe my number was '123sexwithanalien'. Well i will have to get my dear wife to have a word with little woods. I believe their going bankrupt which can only be a good thing for the rich amongst us.

 

Well Christmas is now over, as is another Tuesday, although i do believe that food does help my sperm develop, I've just wanted it more than once this week, its just something to do with this space, fooking is just always on my mind now. To only write to you all of course, i must thing of fookingham palace, but i do think of it, on a Tuesday while fucking dear old Queenie.

 

I have had this terrible illness for the past few days, a kind of flu/cold type, although usually we don't get that sort of thing, its such a common disease, and none of us have been in contact with the peasantry of this great nation. But this illness has turned into a horsey cough, so its clear who i caught it off, i did tell them to not set up the table with me next to Camilla on Christmas day, but it seems they mixed up Camilla with Elizabeth, i couldn't know how, Camilla's name card had an image of a horse next to it. Now Christmas day, Camilla didn't eat too much because she had to go out and do the normal boxing day hunt the following day, oh yes i know its banned, but the law doesn't stop us really, i mean think about my potted plants, and some of the things me and Queenie do on a Tuesday probably are illegal too.

 

Ah Queenie would normally look over the news, well its my turn this week as there will be no formal entry from my dear wife this week. So lets see... well it seems we have been summoned to spend a day in stratford next year as its 800 years old. Pah, thats nothing until you find out my true nazie age, but still, pehaps we'll be given some pressies or something. One does love presents, i just enjoy unwrapping things, much like my women.

 

Not a busy week really, the next big event is queenies 80th next year of course, although shes 80, she fucks like a... well at least 60 year old. I do love her really, especially now Nana moons kicked the bucket. You see, theres no point me carrying on with her, because i just enjoyed going down the pub, and eastenders would be on and i could day 'I've 'ad her'... perhaps i should go after Pat now. Or perhaps not, i do have taste, don't you know.

 

OH DEAR GOD, one has found a shocking news story, although it sounds just like my dear Queenie. But it seems that someone in Austria has created a poster in which Jacque Chirac, George W. Bush (apparently with real hair) and My Dear Wife HAVING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE AND I'm NOT THERE!!!... How dare they... Here's all the BBC are allowed to show...

 

 

 

Shocking to say the least... that should be me, not chirac. I knew they're would be comebacks from her speech, which is still readable if you've not seen it. Oh and she looks so happy there, although i have seen a bigger smile on her than that. And chirac, oh chirac, i think you will need to go to little woods to buy a gondola. Dear oh dear, there are lots more posters too, including a woman with a plant pot in her mouth. I'm very sure i could find something much better to put in than a plant pot... plus one likes to look after plants in pots anyway. Its just a fucking disgrace, i bet those chavs have something to do with it, i shall ring Harry right away and ask him what the fuck is going on.

 

Oh wait, harry has a good offer for me, he seems to think he can get me more of those wonderful mushrooms we had on Christmas day, oh they did taste good, and they made Camilla look less like a horse and more like a 3 eyed monster. But theres only three eyed monsters on planet 'third reicheee' and i should know, its where ones mother is from.  FULL STORY!

 

One doesn't have much more fucking to do today, so one shall leave you here. I have to tend to the plants and by the time one returns one won't be in any such state to write a blog...

 

Toodle Pip

QUEENIE WARNING: One warns you that this entry will need to be branded with parental guidance, there are a few bad words that one doesn't agree with, and a few that one does like, but either way, i warned him to keep his bad behaviour to the bedroom, but he didn't appear to listen, so please don't say one didn't warn you...

 

Well Fuck that parental guidance message, you can stick that up your arse my dear wife, or perhaps I'll do it for you later... And so one begins...

 

Yes yes, you've had a year of my wife ranting on about things, and perhaps covering up things for what really is going on. So i think its about fucking time that one made ones mark on the internet and told people like it really is. There's no room for political correctness on this blog, what is political correctness anyway, well it has political in it so clearly nothing to do with that bastard tony Blair. Although as you may all know, our worry is with that blood-sucking Cherie, who doesn't like to bow before us. Even though we are of course the highest beings in the UK, perhaps even the world. Who knows how fucking big we are, but I'll tell you something, nothing in this world is as big as my fucking cock. Like i said, i never was one for P.C. Although the wife has been teaching me to use one over the past few months and this is of course why I'm here, to converse with the common lowlifes of Britain.

 

Queenie tells me one has to be a like able figure to get by on this spaces, well I'm sure I'm like able enough, i mean I'm told i have almost all the country's youth in my award scheme, which is great when the young get involved with royal affairs. Although lets save the affairs for the higher class of us. Eh Nana. Oh don't worry Lizzy knows, i mean if she can have her blow  up Parkinson, then why can't i have Nana, whoops she wouldn't have wanted me to release that information. But you see I'm quite good at releasing things in the right people, sorry to the right people. I think shes told people enough about me to last you months, so it is totally my turn to reveal that Queenie's perhaps not as good as you may think.

 

Anyway i have fully introduced myself, so lets begin, my name of course is Philip Windsor, I'm sure theres something in between, much like theres something in between peoples legs, but one doesn't like to go on about, especially its length, which happens to be longer than a vacuum cord, i learned the other day. Anyway i don't do too much, you know sit on my arse, do a little gardening, open a building or two, and of course sit of my arse, but don't panic, its Queenie's bank the money goes into, not mine, so i can do whatever i please... unless we're doing one of our role play nights, and hence the reason you never seen my wife wearing the same clothes twice. Now what else can you learn about me, well my favourite film happens to be... well anything made by a German director between 1933 and about 1945, yes such great years... for Germany of course. Heil, Heil, Heil indeed, although once again those two letters may get in my way if i say more. And i wouldn't want to be deleted on my first blog, cause that would be fucking stupid, and Bill certainly wouldn't be invited round again for one of our swinger weekends. He has windows in places you'll never guess.

 

My views on charlesy boy and old Camilla the horse faced slag. Well i think that line sorted that, on my journeys i have been to so many stables, but they all say that Camilla is far too lower class for them, perhaps i should try out come common stables, I'm sure thats where the old hag would be best suited. As for charlesy boy, well he clearly has been brainwashed by her with her manure, you see charles loves his farm and clearly needed someone with good manure to make some very big (you know where i would go) plants, and she could provide that manure. They say the best comes from a horse, and clearly this horse has a big fucking arse, that would never fit in my dear Queenie's throne, i just won't allow it while one is still alive. Now then Plants, many will know about my potted plants, well one assures you i bought them from harry, who I'm told is quite knowledgeable when it comes to plants. He told me they would be pansies... but they ended up being something rather more... delightful. But I'm far from being a pot head, one is more a... plant head. But hey, at least one isn't a dickhead like that Great Wanker Bush. P.C!

 

Ah, Dicks in heads, what a novel idea. I'll just be right back... oh dear shes asleep, it appears the Christmas speech has worn her out. What a shame, Its usually me that wears her out. I'm sure Nana wouldn't mind coming round for Christmas, even if she is dead, sometimes it more fun that way. Or of course one could go for a little run, it is a little chilly, but it will only make ones 'gondola' about the size of... well use your imagination, but don't imagine too hard. I know one is a sex symbol for all, but really theres only one person for me, and shes back on the home planet, so Queenie will do just fine. Its a cushy little job. A mans got to do what a mans got to do.

 

Do i fucking love Christmas or what, its about the only time of year where the paparazzi aren't at our door wanting photo's of us, theres only so many times i can pose, before one really doesn't get very amused. And one isn't easily not amused, in fact almost everything can amuse me, the way the common folk rush about to their jobs and earn money. Its madness, since when did a person have to earn fucking money. I've done my bit i think, marrying the queen, i mean no one else was going to. Oh dear, one is terrible, she really is a beauty and a doll, though i did get more fun from my Marylin Monroe blow up for the first few years, so perhaps not so doll like.

 

Anything more to learn, well i don't think so for now, I'm sure theres plenty to learn throughout, well however long ones hands work, it can get very lonely when my wife goes on a state visit without me. But something good always comes out of a good wank... literally. But i am of course referring to Queenie's wave, she only insinuated that thats how she got the wave. I am assuring you that that is how her famous wave has been created, isn't it wonderful. Thank goodness one doesn't use as many ones as the old lady, she does get a bit much sometimes when she goes into one of her 'one fits,' she'll be talking like she always does and the next minute she'll be fallen on floor saying  'one does one, does one, want one to one oneself to one one one one one one...' and so it goes on until she snaps out of it. And this is why one doesn't use as many ones, one, one one one...

 

There's much more to say, but as one has said, i shall save it for another time, but one does wonder what you thought of ones first official blog entry, and how does it compare to the wife's, please do leave your comments. Ah yesterday you all discovered that bubbles was one of ones old mistresses, ha ha, one doesn't usually go for the larger lady though, but its always good to have something to hold onto.  And of course one will try to update often, but i do have a busier life that ones wife's, all she seems to do is sign laws whereas i have to go do the gardening and also presented one is interested in what the peasantry of Britain have to say to me. Especially those youths in my award scheme, all they said was that one would need to put ones name on it, little did they tell me I'd have to keep an eye on the whole scheme too. Its a good job i have 3 eyes, although the third one is of course saved for Queenie!

 

Ah now for a goodbye thats not toodle ooo, so one will say Toodle Pip!

 

 

Heres, my first offical entry, and guess what its for this stupid fucking guestbook. Queenie tells me that you have to do these things, or people won't know where to comment. So here it is... for you all to gaze at...

 

Please do sign it if you have time... but if theres a beautiful lady/man waiting for you... they come first... as does my dear wife!